Boys Rule, Girls Drool

Since the beggining of time one thing has remained painfully obvious. Guys are better than gals in everything. We dominate in all the sports that truly matter. We have the best jobs, the fastest cars, and the finest women… real lesbians are icky. We are stronger, faster, smarter, and our penises are always bigger. We wear pants they wear skirts. I decided to create a national holiday today since August is so devoid of them, and I settled on Man Day. A day where all men will drink beer as one, grill brats as one, cheer on their favorite team as one, and watch porn as… well that’s still going to be an individual event. To honor the first ever Man Day, I came out with a list of things we are better at than women. This will henceforth be known as the Man Day Decree.

On this, being the sixth day of August. One David Willis set forth upon a great gender a list of sexual inequalities. Purpose being to perpetrate the truth of true men, and the myth of a great women. So in as much as a downtrodden man can find hope in these following words, in the form of 25 points.

1. Women cannot stand and pee. Men enjoy this freedom it is truly gods gift to us.
2. Women must carry in the womb a child, not to exceed nine months. Men must sit idly by and laugh as the woman gains weight.
3. Men have protruding reproductive organs. If for no other reason than to measure them against fellow-men to see who is more manly.
4. Burping is a mans thing, women shall be scorned for attempting such a feat.
5. Farting to.
6. When having intercourse, men have the ability to complete the act long before the women-folk. It’s a race… we win.
7. Higher IQs: Newton, Einstein, Edison, Tesla, all the presidents, Dr. Seuss, Twain, and Eminem. Need I say more?
8. War… no body does it better.
9. For a whole week out of the month our emotions stay the same, and we don’t bleed from our kit and caboodle. Can you say the same thing?
10. Rational thinking is exclusive to men. A woman takes as much time picking out shoes as we do picking out perspective mates. Actually I can’t tell who gets the short end of that stick.
11. Badass people in history. We have Leonidas, Caesar, Napoleon, King Arthur, King Kong, Wolverine, and Audie Murphy. You have Joan of Arc.
12. Muscles make us look hot, muscles make you look scary.
13. Million Dollar Baby. What happens when a woman tries to take over a mans sport? She gets paralyzed.
14. Crying. You do it, we end it.
15. Shopping. When we make money we save it, she gets those boots with the fur just so the clubs looks at her.
16. Blonde hair. When we have it, it makes us look good. When you have it jokes are made.
17. Brunette hair. You may be smarter than blondes, but your still a woman.
18. Choice of mates. You always seem to fuck this one up. Why are there no nice guys out there. Cuz your having sex with every Charlie Sheen you can find.
19. We are way better drivers than you are. Thats why every manly car comes with a manual transmission, and a prius comes in automatic.
20. Age treats us much better than it does you. Robert Deniro, Gene Hackman, Al Pacino, Clint Eastwood, and George Clooney all still have their jobs. Yes that Golden Girl hosting SNL was a cute gimmick, but that’s all it was.
21. Before going out all we have to do is shower and put on a clean shirt. You have to sit in front of a mirror and treat your face like Van Gogh’s canvas, except when he painted something it never made him late for dinner.
22. The ability to skip numbers 23-25 if we please. And I damn well please.

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2 Responses to “Boys Rule, Girls Drool”

  1. Case in point – guys can apprecate a good ‘uranus’ joke:

    http://bofadeez.blogspot.com/2011/01/whose-anus.html

    Women? Not so much

  2. Anonymous Says:

    clever 🙂

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